


Three Emotions

by loveabove



Series: You Could Do Better [5]
Category: Vikings (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-06
Updated: 2017-06-06
Packaged: 2018-11-09 14:40:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11106672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loveabove/pseuds/loveabove
Summary: Before meeting Antoinette, Ivar had only let himself feel certain emotions in his day to day life. Pain. Anger. Jealousy. Those were all pretty self-explanatory, even to people who didn’t know him.





	Three Emotions

Before meeting Antoinette, Ivar had only let himself feel certain emotions in his day to day life. Pain. Anger. Jealousy. Those were all pretty self-explanatory, even to people who didn’t know him.

Pain was something he had felt from his childhood. Sure, it varied sometimes. From the everyday pain, the kind he could just ignore for the most part, to the pain so strong he could barely leave his bed on his own. Ubbe would always be there to help, Hvitserk sometimes as well. When his mother was home, she was his primary caretaker. At least she was until Antoinette had come into his life. For a while after the two had begun dating, the strongest pain was the kind of pain he tried to hide. What woman would want to deal with a man that needed a caretaker?

Sigurd had always told him that the only woman that would ever love him would be his mother. He had certainly grown to believe that more and more as years passed by. Especially after his senior year of high school, the time when he had earned the nickname he knew his brother had spread around their college campus, “Boneless”. Surely, no woman would want a man like him.

Anger was something he let himself feel most of all. Whether it was towards Sigurd or just an after effect of the daily pain he felt, it was always there. It made people fear him. He knew that much. It kept people away from him, students and professors alike. They knew the effects of his anger. Most had surely witnessed the angry fights and arguments he and Sigurd regularly had. That, piled along with his deformed legs and nickname, had kept women well away from him. Before Antoinette, he hadn’t really cared if it did or not. It was after meeting her that he let hopes build up. Hopes that would always get dragged back down by the words his brother would angrily spit at him. Even by hearing the word “Boneless” being whispered behind his back when people thought he couldn’t hear them or wasn’t paying enough attention to notice.

Jealousy came in waves. Prior to falling in love with Antoinette, he had only felt jealousy towards certain people. He was jealous of his brothers and all the relationships that could have and maintain. All the pain they didn’t have to feel. Even the fact they could go about their daily lives without needing anyone to offer their helping hands or seeing pity filled looks thrown their way. After Ubbe’s girlfriend had cheated on him, he had felt a small stirring of smugness as people sent him their pity for a change. But it all ended when he realized just how much Ubbe suffered from it.

The jealousy was stronger after Antoinette though. He’d notice things more. Other couples on campus could wander about, holding hands or wrapped in each other’s arms. Boyfriends would be picking up their girlfriends, jokingly carrying them over puddles. It was the little things he knew he couldn’t do that brought up his jealousy. It was all the things he wished he could do with Antoinette, especially as he fell more and more in love with her over their freshman year together. It almost hurt.

It was why Sigurd’s words about her being too good for him always got to him. She really was too good for him. Deserved better. Like a guy whose hands she could hold whenever the mood struck. A guy she didn’t need to take care of. She deserved a guy that could take care of her instead. Thoughts like that made everything so much worse for him. He felt the pain more acutely, the anger was easier to stir in him. It made telling her he loved her that much harder. She was just too good for him.

That’s why he had to hold her so close when they were together. He just wanted to be able to hold her all the time. Even though he couldn’t.


End file.
